@timdonakowski: I could make a sandwich before a British person finishes saying "et cetera."
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@Love_bug1016: "Better safe than sorry," I tell myself as I send the 27th text telling him my feelings.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Boyfriend calls me Gluteal Myalgia because he thinks I'm too dumb to understand what it means. Let's see how he likes the name Microphallus
@thatdutchperson: [does his regular grocery shopping] Cashier: having a kid's birthday party? Me: ...................yes.
@animaldrumss: Jesus: Those were the times when I carried you son Me: And when the vending machine ate my dollar? Jesus: That time you bought me a Snickers