@Cheeseboy22: I could never join the army because I'd never be able to figure out what time it is.
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@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: Can I have powder on my pizza? Me: You mean parmesan cheese? 4: I don't like cheese. I want powder Me: *Gives parmesan cheese 4: *Happy
@Talkinghands69: When your boss says "you're getting a little behind," he won't appreciate it when you wink and say "been working out-thanks for noticing."
@mooturkey: I used a fax machine today!! I also ran all the cotton thru the gin and plowed the field with my oxen while it finished dialing up.
@GrantTanaka: at my funeral, I need one of you to stand up and ask if you can have your toaster back