@Cheeseboy22: I could never join the army because I'd never be able to figure out what time it is.
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@osigat: My boss just choked on a breath mint. It was a tough decision to do the Heimlich maneuver because he really needed that mint.
@AristotlesNZ: Tech support guy asked me to rank my issue as normal, urgent, or extremely urgent. I did a 6min long scream into the phone & let him decide.
@chelliet22: I heard a noise downstairs, so naturally I came down to investigate in my towel, post-shower. Exactly. I'M the idiot in a slasher film.
@MorganJ7: I don't friend zone people I relationship zone them. You want to be my friend? Too bad, we're dating.