@lovemydogduck: I could never succeed at chemistry. I Guess that's why it's called chemist "try"
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@rockymomax: [dinner] DAD: let's roast this bird ME: (to bird) the only time you ever got laid was the day you were born DAD: haha nice
@InternetHippo: 911 OPERATOR (female): What’s your emergency GUY (being murdered): Haha nothing what are you up to
@IanKarmel: Arby's also has a secret menu. If you order a "phone book" they bring you a phone book and you can find any other place to eat.