@FattMernandez: I couldn't be trusted with a time machine. I'd get killed going back and testing whether or not Velociraptors really could open doors.
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@fart: "my favorite bon jovi song? oh its definitely the one where it sounds like a computer is trying to talk while burping"
@philEfanaddict: [1st Date] Her: I've had a hysterectomy Him: I've had a vasectomy Her: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Him: You gonna eat those fries?
@TeejayRush: Reasons to not go camping No.154: People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
@SarahAMoulton: I bet when humans 1st learned to eat there were a lot of mishaps. "Just tried the sand, Betty, probably a 2 out of 10. Don't eat the sand."