@Kennedydp5: I couldn't remember my speech at a funeral today so I improvised with a magic trick and sawed the coffin in half
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@AmishPornStar1: "What if we just throw some pretty-colored marshmallows in with some cat food?" -inventor of Lucky Charms
@Fred_Delicious: [Girl takes off her clothes] "You have had sex before right?" [Me, in a suit of armor & holding a cauliflower] ... "no actually"
@hayes_t_r: *puts on layers of running gear* *makes a ponytail* *laces up sneakers* *drives to McDonalds*