@rachelle_mandik: I couldn't remember the term "hazmat suit," so I called it a "science burqa."
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@yonewt: My wife's signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer.
@Cherbearxo: Apparently it's okay for the office to have "casual Friday's," but "nudist Tuesday's" are frowned upon. How embarrassing for me.
@TheCatWhisprer: [cats at shelter] Where's Frank? "Got adopted 3 weeks ago. Gone soft too. Healthcare plan. Hypoallergenic blanket. Goes by Mr. Boots now."