@rachelle_mandik: I couldn't remember the term "hazmat suit," so I called it a "science burqa."
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@IRLPepperMD: "This is the police! Put your hands up where I can see 'em!" "But I can't-" "Now!" *t-rex panics*
@MichaelGoffLA: What if you told a lie to cover up your affair, and the lie was so good that 2000 years later people were still giving each other presents?
@BestScienceJoke: The U.S. has more prisons than degree-granting colleges. How absurd. To fix that, we should merge some prisons and split up some colleges.
@BlindChow: 911: what's your emergency? me: what's YOUR emergency? 911: *starts crying* omg no one's ever asked me that before! me: jk I've been stabbed