@garbagecoven: i couldn't remember the word "counting" so i told my friend to "do the number alphabet."
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@Cpin42: When I was a kid, I wanted to be Stephen Hawking. Now that he's dead, that feeling is even stronger
@badAzz_mom: Sorry to the guy in the car having to witness me checking for boogers in his tinted windows.
@raniao2011: When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like I love you for what you have inside. (Me to my fridge)
@sixfootcandy: I filled my brother's shampoo bottle with olive oil and glitter last night. Have a great day in court, counselor!