@panmidwest: ME: I made you some coffee! It's even double filtered… fancy right? WIFE: ME: WIFE: couldn't separate the coffee filters could you? ME: no

@ohpeetie: I feel sorry for kids today but mostly because their cartoons are terrible.

@dorsalstream: Your 20s: I will strive for goodness and peace in this troubled world. Your 40s: Every single chair is terrible.

@AdriannaLaCervx: It's been a tough year for gluten farmers.

@Dutch_50: A co-worker is retiring, so they're passing a card around filled with cash. I only took $10 but normally my signature is worth much more.