@girlontapas: I could've chosen a life of crime but it seems like it would interfere with my 9pm bedtime.
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@MartinMurtagh: Laying in bed with the wife last night, she asked "what would you like to do most to my body?""identify it" probably wasnt the right answer
@dxblarssonENG: I'm such a slave to the man working on a Saturday night. A drunk slave but whatever. Atleast my e-mails to my boss are hilarious now.
@weinerdog4life: I don't think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
@Parentpains: I never knew my mechanic was a psychic until he loudly announced that I had blown a tranny in my car.