@WhosTheresa: I could've had a kid with a heroin addiction but Noooo. Instead my kid wants to join a Christian rock band.
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@mattZillaaaa: Only take relationship advice from people who have really healthy relationships. So, no one
@CM2BTTHD: I just saw my 25-year-old son run water on a slice of pizza to cool it off. I need to sit down.
@Home_Halfway: *chasing after the person that just robbed my house* TEXT ME WHEN YOU GET HOME SO I KNOW YOU GOT BACK SAFELY
@fro_vo: Me: *deals cards* okay boys what’ll it be Quarterback: i pass Roofer: i raise Telemarketer: i call Optometrist: i see Origami Artist: i fold