@WhosTheresa: I could've had a kid with a heroin addiction but Noooo. Instead my kid wants to join a Christian rock band.
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@jenlaw_11: Mom I'm running away! No I don't need a jacket! Mom no I'm fine I don't need a jac- mom! No I don't need you to pick me up later mom! MOM!
@QwertyJones3: Doctor: It's been weeks since we restored your vision. Thoughts? "I can't believe that British guy from the Geico commercials is a lizard."
@okimstillhungry: Me: *Puts up fake Halloween cob webs* Spider who just woke up from a night of drinking: What the f