@WhosTheresa: I could've had a kid with a heroin addiction but Noooo. Instead my kid wants to join a Christian rock band.
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@The_Just_Factor: Nice try Jehovah's witnesses, but dressing up like the police and saying you have a warrant isn't going to get me to come to the door.
@weirdralph: The next time someone says "expect the unexpected," I'm going to punch them in the nose and ask if they expected that.
@dafloydsta: ME: Not gonna make it in today. I hurt my updog. BOSS: What's updog? ME: Nothing much, prolly just gonna take a nap.
@aksorojas: I want to be the first Disney princess who uses three layers of pizza to suffocate the main villain. Call me Pizzerella de Mozzarella.