@abrianmc: I covered my gf with dough and raisins and put her in the oven to annoy her. Hell hath no fury like a woman sconed
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@SuperDadish: Conversations get real after midnight. 11:59 pm - "I love ramen noodles" 12:01am - "I feel like I can trust you. I killed a man once"
@ReneeHooray: Found out a guy I dated was in jail for attempted murder. He never even tried to take me camping, I'm not even good enough to kill.
@pleatedjeans: *requests to be buried in jaws of T-Rex skeleton so it looks like I went out fighting*
@trojansauce: NIETZSCHE: god is dead! he remains dead! and we have killed him! ME AS NIETZSCHE'S LAWYER: your honour we're gonna need a recess