@dukelongboard: I crack my knuckles, turn to the cops and say "I got this" as I stroll toward the bank robbers and get shot in the face
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@codyspencer0: Somebody said "hey wanna eat this apple" and I said "no thanks I ate a PC for lunch"
@JosesLovesYou: Sometimes I loiter outside of Victoria's Secret just so people think I have a girlfriend.
@respected_loner: whats that detective, the serial killer is in the mall? i'll hack into their security cameras real fast [types "job openings" into google]
@tastefactory: *tree falls in forest, quickly stands up and looks around to see if anybody heard it, brushes self off*