@dukelongboard: I crack my knuckles, turn to the cops and say "I got this" as I stroll toward the bank robbers and get shot in the face
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@ibid78: *angrily whispering over crib* "Sheila you know I was raised by wolves. I have to pay it forward." "But why do they need their own cribs?"
@RickAaron: I saved $38 by moving the fish tank in front of the TV during "Ellen" and telling my kids it was Finding Dory.