@badbanana: I cried because my Wi-Fi was slow until I saw a guy stuck talking with his kids because he had no internet at all.
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@mayamanion: Ok parents who have really clean houses, do you have outdoor pets and outdoor kids? How does this work?
@FeralCrone: A kid at the park said a giant hemorrhoid is heading toward Earth. I know he misspoke but in the closing days of 2016 one can't be too sure.
@Savage_Scavange: Never really had a nickname in my life.. Except maybe that one time a bunch of chumps called me "The defendant" for a full day.
@trevso_electric: Just once, I'd like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"