@FuckabillyRex: I cross-bred an octopus and a panda. Let me know if you're interested in a pretty amazing hug.
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@TheWeirdWorld: With a dog, you have a glimpse into parenting. With a cat, you have a glimpse into marriage.
@TheHappySquirrl: Doctor: Are you a danger to yourself or others? Me: You mean I have to pick one?
@iwearaonesie: 9: Have you seen my harmonica? [flashback to me smashing it with a hammer] me: Did you look under your bed?
@Robert_Beau: I just released a new fragrance, and the people on this elevator are not happy about it.