@FuckabillyRex: I cross-bred an octopus and a panda. Let me know if you're interested in a pretty amazing hug.
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@IAmMaggieMull: The idea that someone would be upset NOT to be invited to a wedding is so confusing to me.
@hippieswordfish: *emerges from a large magic lamp,* it's me the Reasonable genie, please only wish for things like 'drive me to the airport'
@ieatanddrink: It's so cold out today in Wisconsin I just saw a snowman kill another snowman and crawl inside his body cavity
@usermcuserface: How did you find me?? Cop: Your ransom note had pasted letters from a magazine. It was between you and like 4 other people on earth.