@SharkJelly: *I cycle off mt Rushmore and fall to my death but my bicycle lands on the end of Lincolns nose and makes a perfect pair of reading glasses*
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@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old is playing doctor with her baby dolls. She walked by a minute ago holding just a leg. Surgery didn't go well.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 3 year old is singing the rare 19 hour version of "Let It Go", using only 3 words.
@Scottzilla667: [First day as Narrator] Me: So, I just say the opposite of what the speaker said? I can handle that. Narrator Trainer: But he could not.
@lawrence_bear: Apparently sleeping your way to the top, doesn't mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.