@lilgapeach30: I dance in my car, unashamed, in hopes of one day driving beside somebody as fun as me and sparking a dance off.
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@joeljeffrey: I waited around all morning for the mailman so I could grab his hand through the mail slot.
@EndhooS: [1st day as a paramedic] me: can you point to where it hurts cyclist: [points at his severed leg at the other side of the road]
@iamnotdiddy: The most embarrassing thing about mistaking pilates class for pirates class is concealing my musket.
@badbanana: Donald Trump says he'll open up secret 9/11 files. Miley Cyrus says she'll flee the country if Trump is elected. Connect the dots, people.