@UnFitz: I dance like people wish they weren't watching.
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@iheartgunts: Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" is the best ever song about a silent but deadly fart.
@jenstatsky: The best answer to an American Apparel salesperson asking you if you're looking for anything specific is, "the bottom half of a shirt."
@nerdonfire1: Apparently, the words "I'd still hit it" are words best kept to yourself at a funeral
@KittenWritten: Guard dog? Service dog? Yeah, yeah... When earth is invaded by evil aliens that look like pony tail holders, our cat will be a hero.