@CarpentersCrack: I date waitresses so I can ask them if everything is ok when their mouth is full.
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@dmc1138: This one time, I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
@RxitWounds: POLICE! OPEN THE DOOR! What's the magic word? [Cut to them back at the station staring at a chalkboard with dozens of words crossed off]