@Dawn_M_: I dated a guy in a band for two months before I realised he was just a sexy mop.
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@RideSallyRide69: Today I was on the treadmill for over an hour. I was so pleased with my progress that tomorrow I might actually turn it on
@maddie11_Anders: Do you think that a funeral director signs his letters with ' yours eventually'?
@CakeThrottle: [Interview with a time traveller] "What's life like in the year 3000?" It's pretty much the same as 2015 but you can download a towel
@DanMentos: Ben Carson is my favorite candidate whose name sounds like a Transformer explaining to his kid why he hasn't seen him much lately