@Dawn_M_: I dated a guy in a band for two months before I realised he was just a sexy mop.
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@Douchekevin: The girl I have a date with tonight texted and said 'I have no gag reflex ;) ' So I guess that means I'm taking her to a Nicolas Cage movie
@JohnLyonTweets: Screw you, targeted Facebook ad for adult diapers! *thinks about not having to pause TV or games* *orders some*
@Darlainky: I think we all know that one person who seems to make it a daily goal to incorporate every color of the rainbow in their outfit.
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: Can I bring my wife? Travel Agent: Of course Me: But I'm hetero. Does that matter? Travel Agent: Do you think I'm saying Gayman Islands?