@johngcaldwell4: I dated a magician once; she put her hand on my leg and I turned into a motel.....
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@bourgeoisalien: On the one hand, I want to exercise and take care of myself. On the other hand, it's just more years of living on a planet full of morons.
@personontheweb: we just got new auto insurance and my mom was supposed to text our agent pictures of her car:
@Reverend_Scott: Recent studies link bacon to cancer. "Ya, don't eat bacon, you'll get so much cancer", said one pink scientist.