@johngcaldwell4: I dated a magician once; she put her hand on my leg and I turned into a motel.....
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@KalvinMacleod: [driving test] INSTRUCTOR: first name? ME: Mike I: last? M: Arbrokedown I: Mike Arbrokedown? M: no problem let's use mine I: *crumples test*
@adult_mom: Start yelling "DON'T FORGET!" when saying goodbye to people so that they panic about what they're supposed to be remembering
@Up2Long: I just did my budget for June. If I don't buy food ... I won't need toilet paper. I think I'm on to something here.