@johngcaldwell4: I dated a magician once; she put her hand on my leg and I turned into a motel.....
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@Lanecat2: You shouldn't have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since you walked there.
@iwearaonesie: me [putting sons toy together] I don’t think *looks at instructions* *looks at box* Yeah, buddy, it’s not supposed to be on fire like that
@joejwest: PILOT: Welcome to flying school. Any questions? ME: Is it possible to crash into a rainbow? PILOT: Yes it's how most of you will die. Next?