@mjkspeaks: I dated my financial advisor for like a year but I lost interest.
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@nathanfielder: Experiment: text your parents "got 2 grams for $40" then right after "Sorry ignore that txt. Not for you" Then tweet pic of their response.
@aldenskii: *in an interview* Me: Tell me a time when you really struggled in your previous job. Applicant: 5-7PM po. Me: Applicant: 8PM. Me:
@iinkedZombie: I'm sorry, I’m about to lose you because I’m driving through a tunnel underwater in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone.
@QwertyJones3: Damn girl, are you my Boy Scout troop leader? Cause you're making me pitch a tent.