@mjkspeaks: I dated my financial advisor for like a year but I lost interest.
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@markleggett: I think comic book bad guys have the right idea, aiming their weapons directly at Captain America's shield. That's probably his weak point.
@briangaar: Goodnight moon. Goodnight stars. Goodnight 4,000-year-old Earth. Goodnight dinosaur fossils that were put here to test our faith.
@Token_Geezer: Girl said she wanted to have my babies so I invited her over. But she didn’t look happy when I told her to put them to bed by 8 and went out