@dlockw21: I definitely thought I would have shot the lock off of something by now in my life.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Rollinintheseat: The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat
@BareChesty: I think my dog just OD'd on lightening bugs. I didn't even know that was a thing. Please teach your pets about bug addiction
@cloudypianos: "someday this will all be yours" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food
@amydillon: When you have kids, "sleeping in" is just lying in bed trying to figure out what that crash was.