@undeadmolly: I deliberately mispronounce 'quinoa' and then adjust the server's tip according to how condescending they are when they correct me.
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@JMFnSparks: Dear men, I can make your girl scream louder than you can ever make her! Love, Spiders
@EyeSeeYou619: [first date] HIM: So how was your OMG did you just pull a hot sauce packet out of your bra
@michaelajeffery: Watched a guy buy several single bananas at various stages of ripeness (instead of a bunch). Realized I was in the presence of genius.
@SteveSuckington: [on a date] I've got butterflies in my stomach "that's so cute. You dont have to be nervous" [flashback to me eating some butterflies] ok