@undeadmolly: I deliberately mispronounce 'quinoa' and then adjust the server's tip according to how condescending they are when they correct me.
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@aliterative: If you love someone, let them go. If they don't come back, detonate the explosive collar.
@EJGomez: james[jesus' brother]: i need off my bro passed away boss: gotcha man [3 days later] james: i need off my brothers in town boss: now hold on
@_GrahamPatrick: MAN: See my tattoo? It says "Only God can judge me." GOD: That shirt with those pants?