@AJslackie: I did it again, I put way too much hairspray on my back hair, now I can't sleep.
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@AimeeHelene1: *walks up to microphone during wedding reception* *taps on mic; everyone smiles* "Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"
@shutupmikeginn: "Are you already hot as shit? Then you'll look hot as shit in our glasses" - Every glasses ad
@JIMBOSWELT: Randomly screaming and moaning in agony is a great way to get a seat by yourself on a packed bus.