@AJslackie: I did it again, I put way too much hairspray on my back hair, now I can't sleep.
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@SlappNuttz: How in the hell do people lose their children in a mall? Seriously, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: What are those chocolate coins you guys get on Hanukkah called? Me: Gelt. Coworker: Guilt? Me: No, Jews get that all year round.
@EJGomez: judge: any last comments? me: i request to die by electric chair judge: ur here for a speeding ticket me: my request still stands