@FunnyCauseImFat: I did so much yard work today, I might get deported.
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@RdrJay47: Drive Thru Clerk: Wow, you smell good. What are you wearing? Me: [hiding fries from the other drive thru] You wouldn't know, it's french.
@jtswhipped: Just watched Inception,Donnie Darko,Memento and The Matrix and now I don't think I am real anymore.
@huntigula: "I'd have to say my two favorite things are sex, and not having my head bitten off." -soon to be disappointed praying mantis
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: why do we even need a gun in the house ME: *fires off 8 rounds just to kill a spider* that's why