@justabloodygame: "I didn't choose the thug life." I explain, entering an institution of higher learning.
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@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you. You're on a Segway. The werewolf is too. Both batteries are dying, and the chase gets slower and slower.
@deathoftheparty: you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks if hes "sexual" the rest of the boys all agree that he is
@dshack8: "I know she told me to buy Tampax, but I'll buy the store brand that's on sale instead." The last thoughts of a man who's about to die.
@PortRooster: Buddy of mine dropped some acid... Burnt a hole in the floor... He was tripping for days!