@justabloodygame: "I didn't choose the thug life." I explain, entering an institution of higher learning.
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@Sultani_Sails: Pretty rude of my boyfriends' wife to keep posting pics from their trip to Aruba.
@bridger_w: "Then it's agreed. We'll meet back in this same place in 10 years." -Me to some dishes in my sink
@daemonic3: [grocery shopping] "Actually it should be 15 items or FEWER" I'll fix that sir [grabs mic] CUSTOMER NEEDS HELP FINDING EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS
@SteveSuckington: Teacher: did you cheat on your math test? Me: [remembering having sex with a history exam] umm no way