@JimGaffigan: I didn't get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
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@Marlebean: They say a long, tight hug releases endorphins to make you feel calm and happy. I think the guy in front of me at this DMV would disagree.
@bencoffeehall: Unappreciated diet tip: If you want to lose a significant amount of weight, it's important to start out really fat.
@MourningGlory_: I just ate an entire bag of Werther's and now I'm 80 years old, own a floral couch, smoke Virginia Slims, got a perm and my name is Shirley.