@JimGaffigan: I didn't get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
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@anjadrisch: My anti bacterial hand wash promises to kill germs & moisturise at the same time. Such violence & nurturing from the one product.
@lanyardtwerk: Caught my food taking a picture of me. When I confronted it, it said it was for its people blog? What a creep.
@flashember: [Ariel climbs Rapunzel's hair with a dinglehopper between her teeth] "There can only be one socially awkward Princess," she vows savagely.
@juliussharpe: I'll vote for whichever presidential candidate promises to end the banter before two people announce who won an Emmy.