@TheTalkingPipe: I didn't know how to put this gently so I drew you a picture. That's you. Now, see the guy choking you? That's me.
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@AtticusFinch79: *takes off pants* *crawls into bed* Security Guard- Lady, this is Macy's *crawls out of bed* *puts on pants* SG- Those aren't your pants
@XplodingUnicorn: Priest: Do you read to your kids from the Good Book? Me: Every night Priest: What's their favorite part? Me: When Frodo destroys the ring
@mjkspeaks: Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.