@turbomanatee: I didn't know when your wedding was because you spelled out the date and time like a goddamn medieval sorcerer.
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@RickAaron: In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
@Rollmaninoz: [pet store] Um hi can I have 4 turtles & 1 rat Clerk: hah trying to make ur own ninja turtles dude Me:*hiding miniature sai and katana* n no
@sarcasticmommy4: I hate it when I'm on twitter & there isn't a car behind me to honk when the light is green.