@omgthatspunny: I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@_alexwray: [couple inviting me somewhere] Why yes I'd love to accompany you as a third wheel, it is my most favorite of all the wheels, wheels I love
@BBQJones28: When someone favorites instead of retweeting me I comfort myself by thinking "they're just keeping me to themselves"
@dave_cactus: "Your finest Scotch, please." "Yes, sir," the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.
@SuSuSuDonym: Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.