@omgthatspunny: I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
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@EricMarten: It must have been really strange for Jesus to be the only white guy in the entire Middle East.
@iwearaonesie: Apparently the first thing you should say after you back over your wife's foot is "I'm sorry" not "I guess that means no sex tonight"
@Meh_Tweetz: bought 30 treadmills & placed them around the perimeter of house, when zombies attack my house they will just keep walking for days
@Stryfe74: Forgetting what you went into the kitchen to get is one thing but, it's darn scary when you can't remember why you went into the bathroom!