@ieatanddrink: I didn't post that copyright notice thing on my Facebook and I've already seen SIX of MY photos of me with my casseroles in BMW commercials
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@robfee: Where was the NSAs wire taps when the McCallisters were leaving messages w all the neighbors that Kevin was abandoned & alone? Thanks Obama.
@RobertJrDowney: I think Voldemort's face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
@queerly_it_is: keanu reeves calling carly rae jepsen the most talented musician he's listened to in his lifetime is a huge complement when you remember that he's been alive for several thousand years
@UniqueDude2: WAITER: Your honor, when I said "enjoy your meal" he said "you too" ME: it was a mistake JUDGE: he gets half your meal W: thanks J: you too