@zachheltzel: I DIDN'T SAFELY EJECT MY FLASH DRIVE AND NOW MY DOG IS DEAD
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@Ojasism: Four stages of my life: 1. Life is beautiful. 2. What is twitter? 3. Twitter is beautiful. 4. What is life?
@trumpetcake: I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
@rachaelkelly18: I love how coffee tricks me into believing I'm in a good mood for about 27 minutes