@WilliamAder: I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.
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@cbdoubleu: "Are you seeing anyone?" Me: lately I've been seeing this squiggly floaty thing on my peripheral vision. Floaty thing: We're just friends.
@TEXASVETERAN: I just swallowed my record player's needle and nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happe
@max_read: i wonder what it's like to be the pizzagate gun guy and discover that your former comrades now believe that you're a crisis actor
@50NerdsofGrey: 'I've been a very bad girl,' she said, biting her lip. 'I need to be punished.' 'Very well,' he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.