@Chumpstring: I didn't spend 8 years designing this hotel so I could listen to a bunch of touristy complaints about the small cameras inside the toilets.
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@Floatersfinest: If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can't afford 3) Periods 4) Men
@DancesWithTamis: "Hola! I'm Señor Coconut, children" [cracks head on the pavement. Children scream] "Drink me. Drink me. I'm full of vitamins and minerals"
@TravLeBlanc: One time a friend said that he "ain't never had no nothing". It remains the only time where I have heard someone use a quadruple negative.
@Brampersandon_: [leaving a party] GF (holding 2 identical jackets): which one is yours ME: whichever one has a pancake in the pocket