@Chumpstring: I didn't spend 8 years designing this hotel so I could listen to a bunch of touristy complaints about the small cameras inside the toilets.
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@copymama: You: Artfully arranges flowers in vase so the room looks nice Me: Artfully arranges garbage in trash so the kids don't see what I threw out
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: What did I ask you to do? Me: Love you forever? W: M: Kill a man to defend you honor? W: EMPTY THE DISHWASER I was getting there.
@SteveSuckington: Van Gogh's girlfriend: my dearest Vincent, lend me your ear Him: cuts ear off Her: I just wanted u to listen to me Him: nah, I'm good