@Mr_Kapowski: I didn't want the cop to see that my car's registration tags weren't current but apparently swerving erratically got his attention too
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@RandomRamblr: Boss: You need to work on your puncuality. Me: Sorry, but commas, are hard, to place. Boss: ....?
@andylassner: Never trust anyone who says you need to come out of your shell because let's start with the fact that they think you're a turtle
@Reverend_Scott: [on date] Ok, don't let her know ur a vampire. Her: I think I'll have a steak. A STAKE?? [turns into bat and flies away]