@Mr_Kapowski: I didn't want the cop to see that my car's registration tags weren't current but apparently swerving erratically got his attention too
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@IamEnidColeslaw: I WISH I WERE PAC-MAN SO WHEN I GOT UPSET I COULD EAT SOME CHERRIES & EVERYONE AROUND ME WOULD TURN INTO GHOSTS
@findmydolls: It's cute that kids think they're safer with the light on, when actually it makes you more vulnerable and easier to spot.
@AndyAsAdjective: ME: honey, just tap me on the arm tonight if you think I've gotten too drunk WIFE: I've been tapping your arm for the last 2 hours