@Ndeshi_M: I didn't want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
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@jlock17: I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I'm down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at a party] *taps wife's shoulder* I've looked everywhere...where are all the swings? (wife pulls away from kissing Bob) "What?"
@robfee: If you plug in a USB cord correctly on the first try, you shouldn’t have to pay taxes for a year.
@Brentweets: So nice of the Oscars to give this tribute to Selma then not nominate it for anything