@dbedalberta: I ditched my ex gf. For lying. Lying under my best friend.
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@juliussharpe: I'd be less scared of trying to take a gun from a mugger than I am of taking an iPad from my kid.
@mamatomy3: My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He's told every other person on earth and I didn't want y'all to be out of the loop.
@internetluke: [restaurant] *motions for waiter* Waiter! Bill please! *Bill comes out & dances embarrassingly to entertain me & the guests* Thanks Bill!