@dbedalberta: I ditched my ex gf. For lying. Lying under my best friend.
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@Tierno158: CNN reports Hurricane Patricia "hit luxury resorts and impoverished villages with equal ferocity." Did they expect wealth-based discernment?
@WigCannon: Do you know why I pulled you over? "Yes, because I was driving a motorized toilet." I meant this time "Oh. No." Please step out of the oven.
@JanelSantaCruz: Shoutout to Batman for being a true American and proving the only superpower you need is money.