@dbedalberta: I ditched my ex gf. For lying. Lying under my best friend.
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@WhatsHerFace33: If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer. Brrrr it's cold in this doghouse :(
@better_off_dad: 'It's nice & thick...you'll have to suck pretty hard.' - Why I lost my job at the ice cream parlor.
@hunz74: A scientist said that fish will evolve into "flish" & will be able to fly. Now I can't stop thinking about "flarks, flhales & flea horses."
@briancthayer: *licks excess icing off mixer & spoon* Wife: Aww, thanks hun! Me: For what? W: Doing my dishes! M: Oh, I didn-- W: ... M: You're welcome.