@CloydRivers: I do 8 sit-ups every mornin'. Might not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button. Merica.
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@IGotsSmarts: My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006.
@causticbob: The kidnapper rang and said "£10,000 and you get your wife back" "Negotiate with him!" advised the policeman "£20,000 and she's all yours"
@MartaEffing: My self esteem flared up this morning. So I put on my bikini and checked my bank account. Ahhh... That's more like it.
@TheToddWilliams: My doctor won't go away. I know what you're thinking but he has been eating small pieces of apple over many decades to build up an immunity.