@EyeSeeYou619: I do a spot-on impersonation of Linda Blair in The Exorcist whenever a drive-thru cashier asks me to pull ahead bc my order isn't ready.
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@chrisanna4real: My signature move is being a complete idiot trying to convince someone that I'm not drink. Drank. Drunk.
@FeelingEuphoric: WAITERS: alright, what are we thinking for starters? ME: well, charmander is usually my go-to but squirtle is good as well
@4SLars: PSA: If your kid bumps into me one more time with your shopping cart I will unhinge my jaw and swallow him whole.
@HughGoesThere: Cop: We need to test you for marijuana. Me: That's kashmir purple kush. Cop: Correct, you’re free to go.