@motrboatr: I do feel bad for some of you who complain about all the unwanted attention you get on Twitter. Maybe you should try notepad, or word.
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@Thedudish: It's been so long since I bought groceries, this morning I saw a c**kroach move out. "Good luck," he sighed, clutching his tiny suitcases.
@thomaswhitehead: London is like the best era of Batman at the moment. Well-orchestrated mild commuter panic and Prince stalking the streets.
@JohnLyonTweets: Me: I like how you dyed all the meat green for St. Patrick's Day. Chipotle manager: It's St. Patrick's Day?
@Quanty_J: Me: Look. There's a deer. Hunter: Don't spook it. Me: *slowly stuffing a werewolf mask back into my backpack*