@kirkfox: I do not encourage eating cats. But judging by the amount of time they spend licking themselves, I bet they are probably pretty damn tasty.
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@mjkspeaks: Someone flipped me off so I threw my wallet at him and said "I love you." He didn't even die. Killing people with kindness is hard.
@archerenemy: After 2 divorces, I gave up on that 'dream girl' shit long ago. At this point, if she has no outstanding warrants, I'll talk to her...
@mompsychologist: 5yo and her friend just ended an argument by deciding they would "have a piece of cheese and calm down" So, yeah, she's mine.
@Book_Krazy: Don't let him know you're a hologram. Don't let him know you're a hologram. Interviewer: You've got the job! *extends hand* Me: Dammit