@slamdancenance: I do the pee pee dance anytime I hear running water just like any other human.
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@fro_vo: Interviewer: congrats you got the security guard job Me: *already asleep on a folding chair* Interviewer: hang on u don’t start til monday
@SaraMansford: Pro tip: If you forget their name after a one night stand, just take them to Starbucks in the morning.
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what's your biggest weakness? Dwayne Johnson: *sweating nervously* certainly not paper that's for sure