@Soupinatrix: I do yoga so I can dress myself when I'm single.
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@graceful_asfuck: Me: oil change plz Toyota: it'll be $39 Me: cool heres my $2 off coupon 4 hrs later T: ur steering wheel fell off total is $2900 sign here
@HollyMemphis: Friend: "I just blew a speaker in my car." Me: "Which kind?" Friend: "Motivational."
@angibangie: 4yo: let me smell your eyelashes! Me:...ok 4yo:smells like spiders. What if they eat your face? Me: this is how nightmares are born.
@419BillE: Uh oh I planned two dates today thinking one of them would cancel and now I have to come up with a lie and quick