@Soupinatrix: I do yoga so I can dress myself when I'm single.
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@JohnHilsen: Oranges got their name from their orange juice-like flavor and orange juice-like color.
@Serious_Law_Guy: Me: Your honor, he's not asking the witness any questions. He's just reading Harry Potter to the jury. Judge: Yeah, I'm gonna allow it.
@tastefactory: EXPLORER 1: *looking at ancient symbols in pyramid* It says "Here lies updog" EXPLORER 2: What's updog? EGYPTIAN SPIRITS: Lol
@tastefactory: BLIND DATE TIP FOR WOMEN: Throw a fork into the wall behind ur date so he has to turn around, to make sure he doesn't have a hidden ponytail