@mydmac: I donate blood once a month. It's not mine but I know I'm making a real difference.
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@brendohare: [evil villain turns around in chair to confront adversary but spins too fast and does two complete revolutions before talking]
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: So where are you gonna hide the elf tonight? Wife: Me? I thought you’ve been moving it *her eyes widen* Me: It’s right behind me isn’t it?
@iwearaonesie: coworker: Do you want a plate? me [carrying 2 pieces of cake out of the break room] For what?