@Jenny4ashley: I don't always drink tequila but when I do, where the hell are my clothes?
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@iGreenMonk: I got a dig bick. You that read wrong. That awkward when you read that wrong too. And said 'moment' after awkward. This is awkward.
@panmidwest: [ping pong] ME: 3 to 2, my serve JESUS: M: can I have the ba- J: the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve M: [exhales] every time
@RidiculousSheri: Despite its deceivingly yummy smell, this bar of oatmeal almond soap tastes just like soap.
@aveuaskew: Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".