@Jenny4ashley: I don't always drink tequila but when I do, where the hell are my clothes?
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@Caissie: My son on the morning of his prom: "Well, it just occurred to me that I paid $130 to go to my school at night."
@freypalm: “Welcome to Fight Club,” said the man with the rock hard abs. I looked around, clutching my kite, becoming worried.
@FuckabillyRex: If you didn't wanna see 157 pictures of me eating cake, you shouldn't have put me in charge of the PowerPoint presentation, boss.