@BradBroaddus: I don't always eat breakfast in my underwear but when I do, I get escorted out of Waffle House.
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@miniwheats2012: The scary moment when the person you just watched sneeze in their hand wants to shake your hand
@shashaintl: What if I never *dramatic pause* sleep *dramatic pause* a- *falls asleep during third dramatic pause*
@OBiiieeee: Yo son, do you like nachos? "Hell yeah!" *son goes in for high 5* That's good, 'cause I'm nacho real dad *rejects high 5* You're adopted lol
@rolldiggity: If you're in a bar and a newscaster says, "Police report the killer left a small doll at the scene," don't shout, "It was an action figure!"