@DonQuickoats: I don't always kill spiders, sometimes I stare at them a short while to see if we can reach an understanding
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@JPHaddadio: Last year I ate out alone on Valentine's Day. To avoid embarrassment, I yacked the whole time with a lovely couple the next table over.
@jake_lach: <-----Will never confess the actual number of house cats he's forced outdoors when the owner wasn't looking
@NuryVittachi: WIFE: So, is Elon Musk an alien from another galaxy? ME: Nah, an alien would have a name made of random human sounds. Wait
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Not sure video Instagram is a good idea. I've never looked at a picture of someone's dinner and thought, "If only I could hear this."