@CodyJP9412: I don't always make pterodactyl noises, but when I do it's usually because I'm walking through a crowded aisle in Walmart.
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@CroweJam: Snooki, but without the orange tan and poofy hair. And she's in charge of North Korea.
@jackmackenroth: People are always impressed to find out that I got my PhD at 17 but anything is possible if you work hard enough and lie.
@JD_KC: The lady helping my wife design a dining room table handed me a note reading "blink if you're being held against your will"
@tastefactory: INTERVIEWER: What are your strengths? APPLICANT: I'm a detail-oriented team player [nothing wacky happens because this is a job interview]