@CodyJP9412: I don't always make pterodactyl noises, but when I do it's usually because I'm walking through a crowded aisle in Walmart.
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@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: You put "summoning demons" as a special skill? ME: That's right. INTERVIEWER: *sweating profusely* When can you start?
@GensPlace: Took nephew out for lunch. The waitress asked what he'd like. After a stunned silence, I explained 'quiche' was not pronounced 'quickie'.
@inmynewskin: I’m going on an all breadcrumb diet because I’ve never seen a duck with a double chin.
@MicheleAKALips: You never realize what have till its gone........ Toilet paper is a good example of this.