@1BigMick: I don't appreciate my son's teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
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@Jake_Sniff: [girl texting me] you left a sprite in my fridge [CUT TO] Me, crossing step one off of my "secretly move in with her" plan
@seamussaid: my wife and I do this Batman role play where I disappear mid conversation like with Commissioner Gordon
@brendohare: I wear a 3-piece suit to bed in case someone breaks in & we have nothing to talk about. "Did you notice I'm wearing a suit?" "Yes"