@1BigMick: I don't appreciate my son's teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
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@jdforshort: "Hitting it hard as shit" and "tickling the hole" are not phrases that I would have associated with golf before today
@lovejulieacafe: I just opened an email from the vet wishing my dog a happy birthday. I replied asking them to call her because she can't read.
@SoVeryBritish: Feeling extremely smug after being the best at pulling over to let an ambulance pass
@novicefather: My wife is addicted to goji berries but I wish she was addicted to something cheaper like cocaine.