@TheDairylandDon: I don't believe in Bigfoot; because he never believed in me. I'd scan the crowd at my ballet recitals, and always see that one empty seat.
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@sageboggs: I hate self-promotional people. They're so into themselves they probably don't even realize I have a new album available on iTunes now
@dreamthievin: Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he thinks of you every time he tries to raise his arm to put around the shoulders of another girl
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: By your age I was on my 3rd child already. Me: Wow that's a lot of kids to eat in a such a short period of time.
@Reverend_Scott: Love is that feeling you get when you meet that special someone who hates all of your friends.