@chuuew: I don't believe Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel on his back. He wouldn't get any balance laying on his shell.
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@the_mom_dot_com: I just got laid. But don't worry, I was totally thinking about you guys the whole time.
@Sean_Burgundy_: [ 3 AM ] Friend: I got a flat and I'm stranded Me: Do you have snacks in your car? Friend: No Me: *Hangs up
@ibid78: Judge: You're sentenced to death. You'll be hung. Wife from the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG. Me: Your Honor uncuff me so I can high five my wife
@FBSisnothere: For the first time in forever, I used the term "oopsie-daisy". Couldnt be avoided. I mean what else do you say when you drop someone's baby?